* I had unprotected sex with a porcupine.
* I took my lizards for a walk and they held on for dear life.
* The neighborhood cat and I had a disagreement about the paw prints on my truck.
* The police didn't comply with the terrorists' demands fast enough, so they took it out on us hostages.
* This first one is kind of lame, but it's what I use most often: "Um, uh...I, uh....you see....I...uh...Well,...." At which they usually try to help me out by replying, "Did you fall?" And I say, "Yes, thanks."
* Well, let me just tell you this: You should NEVER EVER, under ANY circumstances, go out with a guy/girl that you met on the internet.
* I hurt myself.
* I keep falling off of cliffs trying to catch that damned roadrunner.
* "I was oyster hunting." They give me a blank stare. Then I say, with a wink, "You've obviously never been oyster hunting before."
* "It's a long story." They usually leave me alone, but this one guy said, "I've got time." Then I said, "I fell. [long pause] Ok, so it's obviously not THAT long."
* I was at this party with Marilyn Manson and everyone was giving out hugs.
* I lost a fight with a can of tuna fish.
* I slipped while making a salad.
* I fell asleep, and the clown got me.
* I'll just put it this way: when they tell you not to feed the bears, it's for a damned good reason.
* I thought those security tags on pants just sprayed ink, but apparently they spray shards of broken glass, too.
