Christmas seems like a bitter time to remind us of what is no longer present
instead of being able to give something to show the appreciation of what was there
we are lost in the midst of trying to refill, and figure out how to overcome such occurances. The world does their holiday shopping and those of us whom can simply watch feel those shovels stabbing even deeper digging a deeper hole where there is already nothing. That was very emo, but if you think outside of yourself for 2 seconds the entire alienation process to those whom are simply abandoned for the christmas spirit by those who do not truly understand. Hopefully one day in my life this holiday will cease to exist as I could never now joyfully celebrate it even if the possibility arose for I would feel too sympathetic to those who would find themselves in a similar position.
The avoidance of this day is top priority
the aspiration to feel absolutely nothing
to not feel hurt nor anger nor festive joy either.
to simply ignore that such a day exists
when every place you usually go to fill up is closed
and everyone you usually turned to is occupied
reminding you of your own alienated existence
reminding you the dangers of attachment
and the pain of failing to prove yourself wrong on these theories.
Christmas is evil and I do not think I shall ever understand the true meaning of its existence. I will not wish anyone a merry Christmas because there is nothing to be merry about when your left to count your losses instead of celebrating what is there.
one day you shall understand, when mum is dead. when dad is too ashamed of his bastard son to allow the world seeing them together. when siblings become ancestors and lovers become heart breakers. one day you shall understand why this year especially some wish this day would disappear for it is reminders of reckless abandonment that prevent life from sincerely moving forward. one day you shall understand when there is nothing to celebrate except for the uphill struggle it seems you are destined to lose. perhaps some have already lost, perhaps we are slowing being defeated as christmas comes around to bury us in winter's snow.
l'article de mort et le noël.
